Why Marriage?

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The society considers me evil whenever I ask reasons for whatever I have been asked to do. My mum calls me atheist when I ask why I should pray god when I understood asking favors from God is business. Similarly my religionist friends or money fanatic gentlemen calls me arrogant and impractical for my views on religion and money respectively. (I intend to write a separate post on money fanatics soon). But somehow I can’t stop questioning every aspect as I feel empty and awkward doing anything without knowing the reason.

Once upon a time in UK, when I was tiredly coming back from my most loathed night shift part time job, I got a phone call from my mom to inform me that she had mailed a photo of a girl whom she intended to get married to me. And she insisted that she will not go ahead with marriage until I say OK. What do you think I could comment on this unknown girl? I saw the picture and she was indeed beautiful. I asked my mom to get her phone number. I know it would be stupid for a near stranger to ask a girl if she likes me. So I asked her if she was interested in this marriage whole heartedly. I thought I made a gentle move and was proud of myself for framing a question like that. But it was a different story altogether when I came to know later that this poor girl didn’t even remember what I asked her for the first time.

Couple of days later, I was roaming on the greenly university lawn. I didn’t yet confirm my consent to my mother. Normally in winter season, the lawn would be totally empty and free from those half naked chicks sunbathing. I mean then it was perfectly ideal place for ideating and rightly I was thinking why I should get married. What should be the reasons behind it?

My young mind said ‘it is a license by the society to have sex’.

My materialistic mind said that ‘I need a near age companion to get over the toughest parts of life like sickness and lean patches’.

My philosophical mind said that ‘This would help me learn more about a fellow passenger of life and by this you can understand life better’.

My spiritualistic mind said that ‘understanding and unifying with one should be the starting point to realize the oneness theory’.

My diplomatic and desired mind said that ‘the reason would be a mixture of all these and urged me to confirm my consent at once’.

And ultimately that was what I did.

A few years of marriage indeed helped me learn a fair bit of all the above. I understood every person in this world is brought up in various environments and so the views can never be unanimous. Unless we learn to love a person with all the differences, we cannot lead a peaceful life. This indeed suits the society (I mean the people around you) as well. The key is not about bearing the pain or escaping from bad moments, its about accepting the flaws. Being so diplomatic you cannot assume that I am a wonderful husband as I am yet to master this art.

What do you guys think could be the reasons for marriage. I intend to prompt couple of my UK friends to comment as they may have a different opinion.

Image courtesy: http://www.soundoflife.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/marriage-quotes.jpg


Sid 'Ravan' Kabe said...
August 5, 2009 at 10:48 PM

Well, to be frank the very basis of marriage is dependent on the basis of religion and God.
Why does one marry, the same reason why someone looks for job...security...
Ppl think that marrying someone will get them security which however is not true...

if u r a atheist, which i am proud to be one, you really don't care about marriage... isn't it???

IndianPundit said...
August 5, 2009 at 10:57 PM

Look dude, marriage gives a STRUCTURE to our lives.
It provides stability . Thats why people marry.
A man needs a woman to fulfill his emotional and physical needs and vice versa .
Marriage is just a "social contract" between the man and the woman.

Think about it:
1)When u are born , u were given a BIRTH CERTIFICATE to prove ur identity even though u are fully alive!!!!

2)You go into business with others after signing a WRITTEN CONTRACT.
You never invest money without it.

SIMILARLY,marriage is a SOCIAL CONTRACT BETWEEN TWO PERSONS to invest their "emotions" and "desires".

However, emotional and physical fulfillment can also be achieved WITHOUT MARRIAGE.....but in that case there is no "safety net" for either of the two.

Vipul Grover said...
August 6, 2009 at 12:35 AM

'Society's licence to have sex'
thts true, vry mch true..
But we cn also put it this way
'Society's licence to reproduce new members of society'
In tht way it becomes more thn just a physical need of prsn. It bcums a necessity for d survival of society.
The 'licence' part helps in difrntiating human being frm d animals.
Beyond that ofcourse marriage provides one with companionship for life.
Here also include 'live in relationships' within d definition of marriage as thr licence is missing bt emotions r similar.
Now coming back 2 children; marriage provides a structured family which is very important for propr upbringing of children. A child will learn best wn he/she gt d guidancce frm both a male and a female.
To sum it up, all this may seem as materialistic need of the society to generate suitable cogs in its machine. But thn as I said, it depends upon us if v want 2 c evrything in materialistic terms or othrwise.

Rane (The Orchid with All Shades Pink) said...
August 6, 2009 at 12:55 AM

i am getting married because i found the man of my dreams, because my parents are happy, because his parents totally adore me, because we get along well, because we can dream together, laugh together, understand each other and support each other..rest is future..and when my man and i are together, no dream is too big and no destination too far..

phew i talked a lot... almost gushed..

:) getting married in a couple of months, thus the excitement.

p.s. following you from now.. see you around..

Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 8:45 AM

@Sid: By saying marriage, I dint restrict myself to the official contract. I mean the companionship and unification of a couple. I believe atheists do live together sometimes. By the way I was an atheist. Now I am an agnostic. I respect atheists. because they ask questions.

@Indian pundit: Good explanation pal. But you can also read my comment to Sid just above.

@ Vipul: As usual well analyzed comment. Thanks pal. But at one place I would like to differ. I don’t think people marry and reproduce to keep the society's survivival intact. I think people are too selfish to think about society when it comes to marriage and child. At the moment our Indian society is over bred and needs to stop bulging. But even now people give birth to children.
I agree with rest of your ideas.

@ Rane: You are very excited. Congrats on your marriage.
May be you can give your feedback after your marriage. People become wiser after marriage. :-)
And thanks a lot for following me. Keep visiting and keep commenting. We all respect comments here.

Arnav said...
August 6, 2009 at 9:41 AM

I mean loved the line "Unless we learn to love a person with all the differences, we cannot lead a peaceful life"

This is the key to all the relationships..

I am still too young to understand marriage , but yes I do think you need a person by your side, to share the happiness and to bear the sadness . Apparently after a certain period all of us et busy to "make name" / "to make career" and though we still love our friends, our interaction with them reduces.. so I guess Marriage aslo gives us a lifelong Friend ..
apart from the other "licenses" :)

Keep Writing and SMiling :)

Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 9:46 AM

@Arnav: Thanks for your nice comments. I am happy that you liked it.

Nandhini said...
August 6, 2009 at 12:56 PM

A month and few days after being married...I am still wondering why I finally decided to get hitched ( in a good way ofcourse) You reasons sounds very vaild..but there something missing and I can't put my finger on it. Will drop a line when i find out! :)

Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 1:06 PM

@Nandhini: Please do drop a line if you find it out. I too feel something is missing.

Sathish said...
August 6, 2009 at 2:41 PM

Nice post bharathi [:)]

let me share some marriage quotes here

"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin , they just can't face each other, but still they stay together."

"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

"Wife inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them."

"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me."

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays"

"Two secrets for husbands to keep their marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up."

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong"

"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."

"The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once..."

Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 3:43 PM

@ Sathish: LOL. Though I know some of this before I enjoyed it a lot, especially second and the last ones.

The Survivor said...
August 6, 2009 at 4:35 PM

That was well put in words.

One should get married, after all happiness is not everything :))

Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 4:41 PM

@Survivour: Nice one buddy.

Vipul Grover said...
August 6, 2009 at 6:23 PM

i said tht if one wants 2 c a materialistic design of society behind marriage, thn one will say it is a mechanism creatd 2 perpetuate human kind and provide sch individuals who may form d driving force for taking whole society fwd..
this was not my prsnl opinion bt a sociological intrpretation.

Vipul Grover said...
August 6, 2009 at 6:25 PM

and man, i c all of a sudden u r getting more n more readers nd comments.. um really happy 4 ur blog:)

Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 6:36 PM

@ Vipul: I agree. That could also be one of the reasons.
Have you ever thought of how it could have originated.
In olden days the fights between human beigs were mainly for women, land and money. To stop the fight for women, the society should have framed marriage. It became popular abong people because it helped them overcome fear of death. Yeah now they can leave their representation in this earth after death.
Coudnt this be one of the reasons for marriage?

Mr.R said...
August 6, 2009 at 6:39 PM

Bharti ,

You blog . Fine.

Why you have theme the so called templates ?

Why have categories ?

Why have widgets ?

Why Advertisements ?

And why blog at all ?

That explains your question of society , religion etc.

We are part of a society and so we make effort to bring a theme/template in our life.

We add friends , have relatives like widgets.

We bring a structure in our life like categories of blog.

We marry to have a co-author for our life blog. The author brings a new dimension to our life , writes post when you are low , share the burden of mainatining the blog, gives u a new meaning to your blog and identity.

:) No one can be a perfect husband or wife but we can only try to be perfect ..

Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 6:49 PM

@Mr. R: As far as I am concerned, there is no set answer for this question. However your answer gave a pleasant feeling.

I would have finished it like

:) No one can be a perfect husband or wife but we can only try to accept imperfections :-) (any way thats only my view)

But did you read my recent reply to Vipul's comment? May be it could be a harsh side of origin of marriage.

pawan said...
August 6, 2009 at 8:19 PM

A tough question, because I'm still too young to answer about it!
As marriage and me are atleast 6 years apart!

But in my opinion, having a person about whom we can care and share our experiences over a lifetime can be satisfied through marriage!


Bharathi said...
August 6, 2009 at 8:22 PM

@ Pawan: yeah. it could be little early. But remember you need to think about it before marriage cos postmortem doesnt help us :-)

Vipul Grover said...
August 6, 2009 at 10:59 PM

Yup tht cn b one of d reason 4 sure.

Bharathi said...
August 7, 2009 at 12:55 PM

@ Vipul: Thanks

Shruti said...
August 7, 2009 at 1:39 PM

Marriage is a three-ring circus--engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

Though am not married yet, This s my opinion on marriage!!

Hope am rite!

Shruti said...
August 7, 2009 at 1:41 PM

i liked your writing so much... u've a vast thinking and picturises things very effectively!!
this admiration made me follow ur blog!

Bharathi said...
August 7, 2009 at 4:26 PM

@ Shruthi: Nice one. After marriage you will create your own :-)

Thanks for commenting and following. Keep visiting.

Shail said...
August 8, 2009 at 3:56 PM

Wow I commend you. Its more than a quarter century since I got married and till now I haven't found a suitable answer to the question why anyone needs to marry at all... apart from providing a stable environment for kids if any, that is! :) :P

Bharathi said...
August 8, 2009 at 6:16 PM

@ Shail: Thanks for your comment pal. But you know these analysis didnt save me from marriage :-( (Jus kidding) Keep visiting.

Shilpa Garg said...
August 9, 2009 at 1:05 AM

Congratulations, for this post is Spicy Saturday Pick at Blogadda!
Too Cool! :)

Bharathi said...
August 9, 2009 at 11:15 AM

@shilpa: thanks a lot for your wishes. will do your tag soon...

pawan said...
August 9, 2009 at 5:57 PM

Agreed! But still there is time! :D

Bharathi said...
August 9, 2009 at 8:54 PM

@Pawan: :-)

Shankar said...
August 10, 2009 at 4:35 PM

‘it is a license by the society to have sex’

ha..ha.. i laughed and laughed and laughed after reading these lines.... but it sounds true when we think about it...
And bharathi..since i am single... i think i am not eligible to comment about this... let me explore after some years..and come back to this topic to write comments...

Bharathi said...
August 10, 2009 at 5:44 PM

@ Shankar: remember you need to think about this before marriage because postmortem doesnt halp :-)

Shankar said...
August 10, 2009 at 5:56 PM

@bharathi: lessons are best learnt from experiences... so...what ever happen let it happen.... I am sure to return to this post after few years...

Bharathi said...
August 10, 2009 at 6:07 PM

@ Shankar: OK I ll wait then.

Anonymous said...
August 26, 2009 at 11:00 PM

Have you ever thought about being religious and being spiritual are two different things?

Marriage provides a regulatory effect, besides the love, quarrels, making up and all...

otherwise, if everyone starts singing "Enakkedhukku pondaati, enna suthi vapaati"... *shudder*

Bharathi said...
August 27, 2009 at 9:30 AM

@ Achupichu: Yes I know. Being religious and spiritual are two different things. I am sure am not religious but I am not sure if I am spiritual.

And yes, marriage provides a regularity effect. I didnt mention it in this post but couple of days back I spoke about this to one of my close friends. thanks for mentioning it here though.

Thanks for comenting. Keep visiting and keep commenting.

Guria said...
September 18, 2009 at 9:27 AM

I am leaving a comment very late but I wanted to (I was browsing through).

Has anyone thought that we get marriage for not being alone. Or may be we are too young to understand what being alone implies. We get married to journey together, to have a witness to every moment in our lives.

[‘it is a license by the society to have sex’

This quote (a version) was made by Bernard Shaw, when he had tried to explain the poor standing of women in the society.]

Bharathi said...
September 18, 2009 at 2:38 PM

@guria: You added a valid point to this topic. yes not being alone could be one of the reasons. I dont know about that statement by Bernard shaw. Thanks for informing. seems that you are an avid reader.

Attitude tees said...
October 10, 2009 at 11:45 PM

I have been anaylzing all the relationships around me lately (friends, family, co-workers, peers) and they all seem dysfunctional and like they are not happy in life. It is depressing at times. What ever happened to 'living happily ever after'? Isn't that what we are spoon fed...that marriage=personal happiness. I do believe in true love, but why are so many people settling for so much less. They are not soul searching and they are not finding out who they are as an individual before rushing into unstable relationships that seem more miserable than blissful. Maybe I just have a different perspective than most others when it comes to this.

Bharathi said...
October 11, 2009 at 11:46 AM

@ Attitude tees;Its nice that you started thinking. I believe you would soon get an answer if you stay unbiased in your opinions

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