I am writing this letter not to prove that you are in the wrong side. I was a theist for many years, and then I became an atheist for a while. I was converted as an agnostic until a short while ago and now I am slowly transcending towards pantheism I guess. As I keep changeing my self, I don’t think I have any moral rights to claim my views are always right.
Then why am I writing this letter?
I want you to think and analyze if you have comfortably struck in one place forgetting the growth. That’s all.
I respect atheists more than theists for the very reason that they have courage to question the supposed to be most powerful being in this universe. After taking that great first step, I see many atheists get struck there. I don’t know if that is because they like the rebellion image that they created being an atheist or they really don’t have place to move from there or they strongly believe there is nothing more than that of what they see now?
In my childhood, I blindly followed elders when they go to temples. When I attain an age to question a little bit, they said, “If you defame God, he will blind your eyes”. At that age, I can’t imagine living without sight, so I patiently stopped questioning.
After a while, when they saw lack of interest in me for prayer, they said, “If you pray God, you will get good marks. He is more powerful and he can give whatever you want”. That kind of inspired me. I started making too many requests. When I questioned why some of my requests went unanswered, they said “you wouldn’t have prayed whole heartedly”. They also said, “This is only for your good”.
If god knows what is good and he gives that to me, then why should I pray? They intervened immediately, “Don’t speak rubbish”. When I grew up, I developed courage to check why some/most of my requests are unanswered by God. I understood that, this universe had its own set of rules in making and running this life and that will not change for whatever reason. Even if I shed tears in blood, that will not change. From that moment I stopped going to temple and became an atheist. Poverty and natural calamities and all added value fr my stance then.
But that ‘own set of rules’ kept pondering in my head. For whatever reason, I couldn’t understand the source for this universe, motive for life and innumerable complexities in human mind. Earth, stars, space, people, planets, sun, moon,..... where has it come from? Most importantly why has it come for? What are we trying to prove with this life? These questions kept baffling me. For me, Life seems like a book without few of the front and last pages. These questions made me an agnostic.
Though my questions were answered by none so far, can I broadly conclude that these are the acts of nature? I guess my atheist friends will agree with this. If nature does this, then can we collectively call the nature as God? See, now I am transcending towards pantheism. But any ways, whoever the God is, I am not going to knock his door with petitions or recommendations to help my existence. If anything has to happen in this world, it has to happen through me and only me. What ever happened and happens to me, that is because of me and only me. For that extent I am clear.